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‘My boyfriend keeps lying to me, should I still be with him?’

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You’re reading Love Stuck, where trained therapists answer your dating, sex, and relationship dilemmas. you can submit a question here,

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Let’s be honest, we’ve all told little, white lies. Sometimes it is easier to lie than to tell the truth. Especially when the lie is so small, isn’t it? Usually, there’s no harm in telling these little concoctions, but it’s not nice to be on the receiving end.

This week’s reader Danielle finds her partner keeps lying to her and doesn’t know what to do. “My boyfriend and I have been in a committed relationship for over a year and I really love him and see a future with him that could lead to marriage and kids,” says Danielle.

“However, my current dilemma in our relationship is that he is lying to me about little things and leaving out information about his past (especially his health history) and it really makes me uncomfortable.” doing.”

“What should I do? I don’t want to be pushy, but I can’t help but feel a little cheated. We’ve been talking about moving in together within the next year, and I don’t know if I can continue our relationship and I can move forward with this next step in our lives if he is not going to be vulnerable with me.

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Should Daniel confront his partner? Consulting Directory Members Natasha-Rae Adams weighs in.

What would you say to this reader?

“Being in a relationship with a partner who tells ‘micro-lies’ can be incredibly challenging and can lead to feelings of unease, fear, and even anxiety,” says Adams.

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“From what I’ve read, it sounds like your partner’s lying about ‘little things’ is acting as a barrier to you building a healthy and lasting future with him. Sometimes ‘micro-lies’ ‘ can set up a cycle of mistrust that can sap intimacy and connectedness in a relationship.

How can small lies affect a relationship?

Trust should be at the center of all relationships and a small lie can pose a threat to a long-term relationship.

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“Often, it is not the unveiling of the truth behind the lie, but the act of lying itself that erodes trust. Many people may care little about the content of the lie, but view the act of lying as tantamount to betrayal,” Adams says.

Adams continues: “The erosion of trust in a relationship can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and unease. Importantly, this mistrust can be felt on both sides – the partner telling these micro-lies may sometimes either distrust their partner’s response or struggle to be empathetic to their significant other. could; And the partner on the receiving end of these micro-lies may begin to doubt their partner even when he or she is being truthful.

As long as Denial prioritizes communication, suspicion and mistrust will continue to grow. “Micro-lies can ultimately act as a barrier in relationships that thwart connection and intimacy.”

What practical advice can you give this reader?

Adams insists that Danielle express how she feels. “Sometimes, these feelings of mistrust can be alleviated by making room for some reoccurring actions.”

“Ask your partner if you can set aside some time to talk openly about the current state of your relationship and name what your intentions are for eventually getting you together,” says Adams.

“Commit to having a non-judgmental space for each other to share and be vulnerable. While offering your experience without criticizing your partner, be mindful of these ‘micro-lies’ and the pervasive impact they can have on you.” Openly share and acknowledge your current feelings about. ‘I’ rather than ‘you’ statements are a good way to apply this.

She hopes that offering her vulnerability to Danielle will encourage her partner to share her own vulnerabilities. “In return, invite and listen to your partner’s experience.”

“Discuss each of your accountability in this scenario and be open to the idea that your partner’s micro-lying may be a learned behavior prior to the relationship, or it may be something within the relationship that triggers this behavior. Is.”

Both sides should put forward their needs and work out a plan to implement it. Beyond addressing the issue of micro-lies, look for other ways that you can restore intimacy so that you can move the relationship back to a place of connection.

Love Stuck is for those who have hit a romantic wall, whether you are single or have been a couple for decades. HuffPost UK will help answer your dilemmas with the help of trained sex and relationship therapists. Submit a question here.

Rebecca Zisser / HuffPost UK



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